At a Loss

A good friend of ours, Ashley Mortensen, passed away last night and the circumstances surrounding her death has left me at a loss of what to think of this life. It was a complete accident, one that could only be classified as "freak" because there was no rhyme or reason for it. Over the past few months there have been a lot of deaths that have come about in this nature and each one has left a significant impact on me. Each one, in their own way hit too close to home and made me think "what if that were my husband, or my baby, or my brother, or my cousin," but Ashley's has most definitely hit home as she was like a sister to my husband and although I never got as close to her as I would have liked, I consider her a part of our extended family. So, what am I to think? After Chris had broken the bad news to me at 1:30 this morning, I spent a good amount of time lying awake, wondering, worrying and praying. I could let the questions of "Why?" in their many forms flood my mind and drive me to the brink of insanity but I have had a wonderful example in dealing with pain such as this in another good friend, Cassie Weske. She made a comment in one of her blogs about losing her sweet baby that the Lord is calling home His missionaries. I found comfort in that. I truly believe that the Lord needed Ashley to do the work that we can't do while we are on earth. It seems that explanation is the default in situations like this, but aren't defaults there because they consistently provide exactly what you need? So as I sit here worrying that the ones I love most may not be here tomorrow, I have no choice but to find solace in the fact that Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us and I hope that I, and all of you, can live our lives so that if in an instant, without warning, we are taken from this earth we will be ready to do whatever it is the Lord stands in need of. So many people have been an inspiration to me lately that I can't even name them all, but I want you all to know that if you are reading this, you know me. If you know me, I know you and I can honestly say I love and care about all of you and what goes on in your life. Most of all I love my husband, my son, my sisters and brothers, my parents (including in-laws!) so much more than I can ever express and I seriously thank the Lord for every "one more day" that I get to spend with each of them. I am so glad that we know of eternity and that once this life is over, I can be with them.

Thanks for your patience with my babble. Really, I'm not just being cheesy... I do love you even if I hardly see or talk to you or you feel like we are barely friends, you still are important to me. And Ashley, we love you, we miss you and I wish I knew what you were doing RIGHT now!